They say time heals all wounds.
I don't know who they are but they have never been more wrong.
Some moments . . . some days it is unfathomable to me that this hurt is with me until my last breath. I don't know how to do it.
In a world of contradictions, in a place where two opposing emotions dance together, it is okay.
Well, not okay but okay because there is no other word to describe that it isn't okay.
It is okay because there are two names I can speak of.
It is okay because I got to hold them.
It is okay because I got to kiss them.
It is okay because I live in a world where they once were instead of never at all.
It is okay but it's not.
It is okay because I don't know how else to answer when someone asks - truly asks - how I am doing.
It is okay because I don't know how else I'm supposed to feel. I am extremely blessed because I have two littles to care for here and I am extremely blessed because I got to hold them. But at the same time, I am extremely angry that all four of my babies are not here, right now. I am extremely angry that all I got were moments and not years.
And so, I am just okay because I don't know another word to describe it. I am just okay because I don't know how else to balance two opposing emotions . . . two opposing extremes.