Monday, November 5, 2012


Life is full of moments.

Moments . . .

. . . So big . . . So full . . . So fleeting.

All precious in their own unique design.

Some of those moments I let slip right through my finger tips when we brought our first born home. I let that upside down feeling of my new life get the best of me to be able to fully embrace all those precious moments.

It was those same moments that I let slip through that I found myself so desperately wanting 16 months ago.  All those sacred moments that I didn't get and that I will live the rest of my life wishing I had . . . those moments that were taken from me. The ones that I wanted the chance to hold on to with white knuckles.

Now? Now I am holding on tight with hands wide open.

I'm clinging to all these seconds . . . minutes . . . hours while I try so hard to keep my hands open so I can receive more.

I want more. It is selfish, I know. But I do, I want more. I want more of those delicious lips formed in an 'O'. I want more of those blue eyes searching for mine when he hears my voice. I want more snuggles. I want more of him forming himself in a ball as he rests on my chest.

It goes so fast. I'm going to blink and it's going to be over. And I just want more moments of him right as he is, right now.

I wanted more moments than the ones I did get with Emmerson and Vivienne. I wanted to bring them home. I wanted both arms occupied with the weight of each of them. I wanted to see their older sister interact with them. I want to see them interact with their baby brother. I want all four of my children here.

I want more.

I wanted more than what I got and because of that, I'm embracing each second. Cherishing it. Relishing it. Loving it.

I just want to live in the now and bask in the glow of the gift that was given.

Bask in the glow of all four gifts . . .


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