I began a project months ago. I started it when I found I was expecting for a second time. The project: my daughter's Big Girl Room.
I wanted to do it in Cherry Blossoms but I could not find pictures I had in my mind. So, I bought some canvases and paint, searched the internet for images I liked (the images in my head didn't hold the detail I needed to paint a picture) and I got to work.
That was months ago, when I was still expecting my twins to come home.
Needless to say, her Big Girl Room project got put on the back burner. A lot of the smaller projects were done but the room was not completed.
I made a step out of my grief, a step to begin a "New Normal", and I (well we, my husband helped by putting the appropriate holes in the walls) finished the room. We finished it while my daughter was at pre-school.
When she reached the door way of her room her already big brown eyes became huge and a sweet smile swept over her face.
Did you get that lamp for me? It's so bootiful!
Did you do those flowers for MEEE! It's purtee!
I have cutains! Yeah!!
Did you do this for ME?
Thank you Mommy!
She expected nothing. She was content to have a bed to sleep in every night and blankets to keep her warm.
She was pleasantly surprised by the completion of her room and she let her simple gratitude show.
She noticed every detail. From the largeness of her curtains to the pink on the tiny petals. She was in awe. She was appreciative of what was done for her.
She did not refuse to see the beauty of her room because she did not get something else.
In the first weeks of my new grief, I despised the sun. The brightness, the beauty of its warmth hurt. I kept the curtains closed. I kept myself locked indoors. I did not want to see what beauty God had created for my enjoyment.
I wanted the Earth to weep with me. I wanted it to grow dark and for water to flood.
When my daughter asked if I did all of that for HER, she was just simply grateful.
I wanted my daughters to live before me.
When I did not get what I desired, I closed off to what was to be held in awe. I refused to see what was done for me. Refused to open the eye to what I did have.
That little girl of mine, she teaches me everyday. She shows me what true faith is.
The process of completing her room was to help me make a step towards a "New Normal". It ended up being a slight tap on the shoulder to show me how to be grateful. How to praise. How to give thanks.
It is simple to be simply grateful.
All that is needed is to open the eye and then the curtains.