I'm going to pound away on the topic of being tired.
And Go . . .
I think every mom knows a thing or two about being tired. I am tired all the time. After I had my first daughter, I suffered from insomnia. Seriously. When I would mention how tired I was, people, especially women, would give me a look and nod their heads.
No! I wanted to scream. I'm not tired just because I have a new baby! I'm tired because I. CAN'T. SLEEP! I would watch the sun rise, nod off for an hour or two and then wake back up.
The bed became my enemy. I dreaded the hour in the day when most "normal" people would go to bed and take sleep for granted.
The insomnia lasted until my daughter was almost a year old.
Just around the time I started sleeping well again, I got pregnant a second time and all those trips to the bathroom interrupted every hour of sleep.
I didn't remember getting up THAT MUCH when I was pregnant with my first one.
A few weeks later, I understood why I was getting up more. I had more weight on my bladder. TWINS!!
I was tired all the time! When I was pregnant with the first, I was narcoleptic. The pregnancy with the twins, I was even more tired but I couldn't sleep. Trust me, I wanted to sleep, but sleep wanted nothing to do with me.
I am tired all the time now. Not because I have two more babies to take care of. I would love for that to be the case. Absolutely LOVE to be tired because of two precious girls.
I have to take a sleep aid in order to sleep. Right after I lost Emmerson and Vivienne, a sleep aid wouldn't even allow sweet sleep to come.
It comes now, I just need help in getting there.
I am tired but I still fear going to sleep. Right after my great loss, that is when the nightmares came. So, I am still scared to nod off. Even though I want sweet dreams to take over and take me away to another world for a brief moment, I still fear it. I am still so tired.
It's a tired I have never known and hope to never know again. It's a tired caused by grief and a weary soul.