Why? If I would have done this or that, would it have made any difference?
The silence that trails behind the whys is deafening.
The ifs just eat the soul alive.
Questions are natural.
They help gain understanding, knowledge, what is appropriate and what is not.
And sometimes, no one can really give an answer to the question.
Those questions are the ones that most desire an answer.
Why does cancer exist? Why do murders occur? Why is there chronic illness of the mind and body? Why do babies die?
I remember when I was a little girl, I asked a slew of questions. I wanted to know the whys and hows to everything! I'm sure my parents were driven crazy.
Why is the sky blue? The grass green? Why do cats meow and dogs bark? Why do most animals have four legs? Why is blood red and not neon pink?
Most of the time, their reply was, because it just is.
I'm sure there is a long, complicated, scientific answer to those questions. I was not given the answer because I would not have understood it.
Gods silence to my questions why, may just be because I will not understand His reply.
I have to stop with the ifs because they eat at me. It is hard for a control freak like myself to think there was nothing I could have done differently. The experts tell me so. My husband whispered it in my ear when I sobbed with each contraction and continues to whisper it in my ear when my body shakes with cries in the night.
My God whispers it to me as well.
It was not anything you did, my child. This has always been a part of My plan.
The other side to if is not for us to know.
If I would have gone to this school...
If I would have taken this job...
If I would have said yes... Said no...
If I would have arrived earlier... Arrived later...
To trust the road that was taken, that is what we need to know.
To trust that whatever path we chose or whatever has occurred in our lives, God is there. He will take care of it. Take care of us.
God is on the other side of the if. He is in the silence after the why.
That is what needs to be the focus. What needs to be trusted.
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb,
so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.