Is it when you have reached the end of self that you really start to see, know, the Miracle of the Maker?
And just what is it that causes the eyes to glance out and up and start searching?
Is it when everything is right? When the plans, work and determination has paid off? Or is it when the dreams are dashed, plans have been pulverized and pain settles in and penetrates the heart deep?
Is the pain what is needed? Needed in order to breathe deep and new? To come to the end of self and feel what is always new?
Does it take losing to see what is already had? What has always been there?
After my world stopped, I noticed everything small and everything that I made huge. The unimportant, the tiny things that much time and energy was spent, were the very things that after were so trivial.
There are so many things, so many, that consumes us and in the end it is really just trivial.
The trivial is what consumed me with myself. So consumed that it was difficult to see out and what truly mattered.
How much passed me by? How much hurt, how much sorrow that I could have embraced and comforted those who suffered if it wasn't for the consumption of self? What was good that went unnoticed?
The tragedy doesn't lie in the wake of death. For death is what often times wakes us up to notice the living. The tragedy is what lies in the wake of waking up. Of opening the eyes and seeing all around.
The refusal to see, to witness it all prior to the tragedy is the tragedy itself.
So, when . . . what causes one to come to the end of self? Is it sorrow? Is it miracle?
When the end of self is reached and there is a distinct end and beginning but also a wonderful blending of the soul of self and the wonderment of the Creator, is that when the heart opens and witnesses?
Is that when sorrow is noticed and embraced? Is that when miracle is rejoiced and proclaimed? Is that when the two are one in the same?
Does it take the blood of Christ to pulse through veins to notice the end and the beginning?
Stephanie
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