Wednesday, January 25, 2012

How Do You Love?

All those years ago, he saw me as a trusted friend. He respected me. He came to me for advice and I did the same with him.

All those years ago, he began seeing me in a different light and I, him.

The different light remained. We promised each other so much . . . our love for all of our life.

He sees me in the morning, hair all frizzy and no make-up on and he calls me beautiful.

He sees me when my anxiety has gotten the best of me and he remains calm. Always calm, that one.

He sees me when my temper has flared, and he remains rationale.

He sees me broken and questioning and he holds me. He remains silent in the ferocious whirl of emotions. He offers no answers, no advice. He just simply holds me and lets everything flow without redirecting it, damming it, or trying to fix it.

And through it all, he loves me.

I know these actions . . . his actions, to be love.

How do you love, show you love, when life gets hard? When it hurts?

I will be honest, I don't know. I'm not sure I know how to do it or if I am even able to.

This hurt has taken so much out of me. I feel most of the time, that I have nothing left in me, nothing left to give. It frightens me to think I have failed the ones I love by not loving them the best I can.

I try though. Even when I am feeling too weak to move, I try.

I offer a hushed whisper of thanks in the dark of night. Hoping my husband hasn't drifted into the sweetness of sleep and he hears. He hears far beyond the word spoken to all the ones that were not.

I smile. 

I do the dishes.

I fold the laundry.

I buy the necessities at the grocery store.

I make dinner.

I read a story to the little one.

I tuck her in at night and say prayers with her. Always thanking the Lord for her. That is my biggest prayer, that she hears me thank our God for her.

There is a Love known as Agape. It is an unconditional and self-sacrificing love. "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son . . ." (John 3:16).

God loved, so He gave. God loves, so he gives . . . Agape.

I don't know if I am doing this right. I can only hope. But I do know this: I love them and I give them, everyday, pieces of myself.

I hope that this is enough. I hope they see the pieces given and know it to be love.


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