Wednesday, January 4, 2012
I Want To See
On a crisp, clear winters day, her voice broke the silence.
"I see Daddy in the kie (sky)! Do you see his aipane (airplane), Mommy?"
Some more silence then . . . "Is Jesus high in the kie like Daddy?"
"Yes, but higher and also everywhere. He is in the sky with Daddy and He is here with us."
More silence. A couple of minutes more and then this . . .
"Daddy's in the sky so he can get Vivienne and Emmewson. Okay, Mommy?"
The sweet sound of those words brought tears to my eyes.
Even she is trying to make this make sense.
A few days later, we were all in the car together. Again, there was silence from the backseat. And again, very strange.
The sun had already started its descent, closing yet another day. The evening sky was beautifully splashed in oranges, yellows and pinks.
I was staring at the sky, lost in thought, thinking about Emmerson and Vivienne. Wondering what they were doing at that exact moment. Wondering if they could see me. Wondering if they had a part in making the sky so pretty.
From the back seat, "Look! The kie!"
"It's beautiful, isn't baby?"
"I see him!"
"You see Daddy? But he's right here."
She says this a lot whenever she sees an airplane in the sky. So you could understand my confusion.
"No. I see him!"
"Oh! You see Jesus?"
"NO! I see them! They wight there!" She proclaims with some frustration mixed with excitement as she is pointing into the sky.
And then she sweetly says this, "Hi!"
She then proceeds to talk about anything and everything, just like a two year old does.
I am left speechless yet again.
Why can't I see them?
How? How is it so easy for my two year old to acknowledge them and talk about them and see them but it doesn't leave her hurting more? Asking more questions? She is satisfied with the little knowledge she has and the glimmers she receives.
How and why is it so easy for her to accept? To accept that they are gone? To see and acknowledge the morsels of peace and know them for what they are?
Why does it seem that this is easy to accept for everyone?
Everyone but me?